Anger

is inability to hold my vulnerability in my body and mind. 
I am angry, because I did not get what memo "Love hurts" feels like, until I felt helpless in Love. 
So I realized when I love you, I care, so much because I belong to you (friend, partner, family). I am willingly giving my vulnerable Self to you, there where I wish to belong. 

When I hurt, it is only with you whom I love and care for.
And when loving you opens me up to vulnerability and rawness, i am secretly scared and fearful, that this will destroy me, but while i love you, I am willing to be blind to pain.

By default, my capacity to handle both, is disproportionate. I rather love you more, then be in pain more. And that's the scale I can't control. 

Pain will try to balance me with love, and when I say No to balance, I become angry, because my capacity to handle pain is small. 
I become angry at you, but really at me, for not knowing how to handle pain, which is only there because I care.

So forgive me for not knowing how to handle the pain for loving you, you who mirrors where I am headed, where I belong with everyone else. 

Home.